Harmony
by hydref05
Summary: The events on the santury base catch up with the Doctor. Post The Satan Pit. Tenth Doctor and Rose.


**Harmony **- by Sian

**Synopsis**: The events of the day finally catch up with the Doctor.  
**Characters**: The Doctor (ten), Rose  
**Episode/Spoilers**: Post The Satan Pit  
**Rating**: PG (angst)   
**Notes**: Recently rewatched The Impossible Planet (which seeing as Doctor Who is on continual rotation on BBC3 is unsurprising!), and the look on the Doctor's face when he realised the TARDIS was lost, led me to write this fic.

* * *

The Doctor had spent an hour in the console room; checking systems, running diagnostic programmes, fiddling with circuits - anything that gave him an excuse to be close to the TARDIS again. Then he'd left the room and wandered the corridors, finding himself in parts of the ship he hadn't visited in two regenerations. Rose hadn't disturbed him, she'd seemed to know that he needed time alone with his ship - something that she would normally have teased him about, but not today. 

Today he'd thought he'd lost the TARDIS for good. He'd known where she was of course, he just had no way of getting to her. That was one of the reasons he'd volunteered to go into the pit with Ida; the knowledge that his ship was down there somewhere. It wasn't that losing the TARDIS had stranded him and Rose in one place and one time; he'd have found a way around that, if they'd got off the base of course. He'd have found them another ship, would have found a way of getting them back to the 21st century - there were other time travellers out there, one of them would have given them a lift. But another ship could never have been home, could never have made him feel safe and cocooned like the TARDIS did.

He knew Rose, like most of his companions, thought his affection for his ship was amusing, and maybe they were right. But the thing was this - she wasn't just a ship, not to him. She'd been his home for over 900 years; more than a home - his sanctuary, his saviour more times than he could count, his constant companion through everything. When Zak had told him the TARDIS was lost, he'd felt sick, weightless, almost faint. The mere thought of loosing her terrified him, even now it still made him shudder.

Eventually he'd found himself in his study. He'd poured a drink and sat down in one of the armchairs in front of the fire. This had been one hell of a day. As if loosing the TARDIS hadn't been bad enough, there was the beast and what it had called him - 'the killer of his own kind'. He'd been called many things in his life - The Destroyer Of Worlds, The Oncoming Storm, The Bringer Of Darkness, and now the most apt of them all - The Killer Of His Own Kind. No, he hadn't needed reminding of that, after all they were stranded underneath a black hole.

Time Lord mythology taught that the first black hole had been created by Rassilon and Omega, it's power harnessed by them to enable time travel - The Eye Of Harmony. Now there were black holes across the universe; stars collapsed in on themselves, dying solar systems, and he'd seen his share of them. He'd never been completely convinced that they hadn't existed before Omega, but then who was he to challenge Time Lord belief? _Usually the first_, a small voice in his head reminded him.

But it wasn't the Beast or almost loosing the TARDIS that had sent him into hiding in his study. It was watching planets die as they'd been pulled into the black hole. It was knowing that races and cultures were being lost forever to the star's power, and there was nothing anyone, not even a Time Lord, could do to save them.

He leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees, and stared deeper into the fire. In the flames he saw Gallifrey; saw the planet burn, saw it being pulled apart by the power of the Eye of Harmony, by the power he had unleashed. The Time Lords, Daleks, the planet and her neighbours were being destroyed, their remains consumed, lost forever.

Earlier, when he'd stood on the base and looked up into the black hole, for a brief moment he'd been back in the war. He hadn't seen what was really above them, instead he'd seen the Eye Of Harmony, its devastating power, harnessed for so long, finally unleashed. His people were dying all over again; he'd heard their screams and felt their pain. Then Rose had asked him a question and he'd been mercifully pulled back to the present. He'd pushed the images and the sounds into a far corner of his mind, hid them away to be dealt with later.

Later was now, and his mind was no longer in the study. The fire in the grate had become the fires burning on Gallifrey. He could feel the pain from his injuries, knew they were fatal, knew he would die soon, along with all the others. Deep inside him a small voice was telling him to stop. Stop dwelling on the past, on events that he couldn't change, stop thinking and most of all, stop torturing himself. But that voice was being drowned out by the memories of the other Time Lords voices - screaming, dying, accusing.

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-

Rose stood in the doorway and watched the Doctor as he stared into the fire - not moving, not even realising she was there. She'd seen him like this before, the old him. This new Doctor was rarely still - she couldn't remember ever seeing him look so sad and alone, so brooding. No, brooding was something the old Doctor had been good at, but not this one. She couldn't understand what had happened to make him so despondent. He'd found the TARDIS, saved the crew (or what remained of the crew anyway) and saved her. But since they'd left Zak, Danny and Ida, he'd been quiet. Oh he'd pretended everything was fine, but the mask had been slipping, so she'd given him the privacy he'd seemed to need.

Now, as she watched him, she could see that maybe that had been a bad idea. He looked worse than when she'd left him two hours earlier. "Doctor?" she spoke quietly and got no response, so she spoke his name again, this time louder, but still he continued staring into the fire. She entered the room, stood next to him and tried again - nothing. She crouched down beside him and touched his hand. "Doctor? Are you alright?" When she got no response, she took hold of his hand. "What's wrong?" she asked. "What's happened?"

Somewhere in distance the Doctor heard his name and recognised Rose's voice. A sudden panic filled him, took over from the fear and the pain - Rose shouldn't be here, it wasn't safe, they were all about to die. Then he felt her holding his hand and he jumped. He blinked as few times and saw the fire in front of him again. Slowly his thoughts became clearer, he knew where he was and, more importantly, he knew when he was. He turned to face her, hoping she wouldn't see his pain but knowing she would. "Sorry, I was miles away," he admitted. "Is everything alright?"

"That was going to be my question," Rose replied. Even as relief flooded through her, she saw the anguish in his eyes, a look she hadn't associated with this Doctor. "You really were lost in thought. I just came in to ask whether you wanted anything to eat. The last thing I had was that blue stuff on the base, and it was pretty bad, worse than my mum's Sunday roast," she said, in an attempt to break the tense atmosphere in the room.

The Doctor gamely joined in. "So what were you thinking of destroying in the kitchen then?"

"Oi! I was going to make spag bol, but I don't think I'll bother now."

"No, that sounds good. You go and find the stuff, I'll be there in a minute."

Rose stood up, but she was reluctant to leave him. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Like you said, just lost in thought."

She knew she wouldn't get anything more out of him, but she was still worried. With all his smiles and manic behaviour, she sometimes forgot that he was the same hurt, lonely Time Lord she'd met two years earlier. But just occasionally, glimpses of the old him came through the mask. She wished he'd open up, tell her what had happened to send him into a state of despair.

-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-

When he joined her in the kitchen, five minutes later, he appeared to be fine, but she wasn't buying it. "Here," she handed him an onion. "Needs peeling and cutting up."

The Doctor pulled a face as he took the onions from her. "Why do I always get the onions?"

"Because they make me cry and then my mascara runs. You don't have that problem."

"Crying or mascara?" he asked with a smile.

Rose joined his smile, glad to see him at least making an attempt at joviality. She watched him while she stirred the mince. He'd taken his jacket and tie off, his shirt was unbuttoned to his chest and his sleeves were rolled up - all sure signs that he'd spent some of the time since they'd got back onboard, playing with the ship's systems.

"Did your people really invent black holes?" she asked, not just because she was interested, but also to make conversation, to fill the silence.

The pause in his movements was brief, but Rose noticed it, like he'd been caught off guard by the question. He recovered quickly though. "So legend has it. The power of a black hole was harnessed to enable time travel - they called it The Eye Of Harmony."

"Nice name, strange choice though," Rose said. She vividly remembered the black hole above the planet, devouring everything that went near it. "I mean for something so powerful and potentially deadly."

Rose's words caused the Doctor's knife to slip, he cut his finger and swore. Rose went to help him, was about to laugh at his clumsiness, but he went to the sink and ran his finger under a tap; completely ignoring her offers of help and her joke about not getting blood on the food. He turned the tap off and stood gripping the edge of the sink; eyes tightly closed, fighting to push away the images and sounds that had returned to his mind.

"You alright? Does it hurt a lot?"

"It's fine."

"I'll get you a plaster."

"I said it's fine," he snapped. "Sorry," he said. He dropped his head and took a few deep breaths. When he smelled burning, he opened his eyes and looked at Rose. "Mince?" he nodded to the stove, just as the smoke alarm went off.

"Damn!" she muttered and pulled the pan off the hob. "Here," she handed him some kitchen towel, "at least put that round it, before you bleed to death all over the kitchen floor."

He took the paper towel from her and held it over the cut. "Sorry, I didn't mean to snap."

"Finger sore?" she asked, giving a way out if he didn't want to discuss the real reason.

"Stings a little," he agreed with just the ghost of a smile. "It's just been a strange day. Loosing the TARDIS, the beast, people dying and... well, everything." He trailed off, the explanation sounded lame, even to him.

"I know. But we're okay, the TARDIS is fine - she is fine isn't she?"

He nodded. "Not a scratch on her."

"Good. You saved us. If you hadn't gone down to the pit we'd all be dead now."

"Must have been frightening for you on the base, being chased by the Ood?"

"Yeah, but I knew we'd get out. I was more worried about you. I still am."

"I'm..."

"Alright - yes I know. Except that you're not. I don't expect you to tell me what happened. Just as long as you know that you can if you want to, if you think it'd help."

The Doctor nodded. _When did our roles reverse?_ he wondered. _When did she become the one to offer comfort, the mature one in our relationship?_ But then he realised that she probably always had been. "To end the war the power of the Eye was unleashed," he blurted out before he had the chance to stop himself. "Gallifrey was already burning, and then it was gone - everything was swallowed by the black hole - the planet, the Time Lords, the Daleks, most of the system. Today..." he trailed off and shrugged self-consciously.

"Today reminded you of it," Rose finished the sentence for him.

"Yeah, but we're okay, the TARDIS is fine." He forced a change of mood on himself, "No point in brooding on things I can't change." He studied Rose for a second and then gave a grin that, to anyone who didn't know him as well as Rose did, would have been convincing. "I know I've said this before, but I'm so glad I met you."

Rose smiled, "Me too."

"What do you want do about dinner?" he asked, nodding towards the mince.

Rose glanced at the meat and pulled a face, "Well, with burnt mince and blood covered onions, I think we should try something else."

"Chips then?" he asked.

"Chips and ice cream," Rose amended.

"Chips and ice cream it is," the Doctor agreed.

Rose held out her hand and the Doctor took hold of it. Pulling her to him, he held her close, his face pressed into her hair, her warmth banishing the memories of death and war - at least for now.

END


End file.
